Confessions of a Mask - Yukio Mishima

Story Summary:

Confessions of a Mask, a novel by Yukio Mishima, tells the story of Kochan, an adolescent boy growing up in Japan around World War II, and his struggle with sexuality; Kochan desires social acceptance, but sees himself as fundamentally different from his peers due to his inherent sexual desire towards men and inability to force a similar desire toward women.

Reflections:

Kochan, the narrator of Confessions of a Mask, continually plays with agency when describing his life experiences. Many sentences contain diction suggesting agency—I did this, I did that. Sentences devoid of agency are just as frequent—This happened to me, I had no control over it. Oftentimes Kochan strips himself of agency intentionally, as a way of shirking responsibility for an action he feels is shameful. At other moments, Kochan’s refusal to accept agency deepens his sense of responsibility for a shameful event. While there are exceptions, the overarching theme throughout the text seems to be that Kochan describes himself in a position of agency when trying to accomplish an act he believes to be socially acceptable, even though this action he so desperately tries to take credit for is generally an act and goes against his entire being. Conversely, Kochan uses diction rejecting agency when he performs an innate, natural, and honest action—one that’s considered shameful in the society he’s a part of.

When facing a homosexual—and therefore socially shameful—desire, Kochan uses diction that suggests he is simply a victim to the forces working upon him, rather than taking agency for his sexuality and desire. When infatuated with Omi, Kochan says, “I was being tempted, not by the desire for possession, but simply by unadorned temptation itself” (72). He develops an erection while watching Omi in gym one day, and comments that, “It was enough to make me blush with shame,” and he was “afraid the other boys might notice what had happened to me.” All three of these sentences suggest an outside force that Kochan has no control over; he was “being tempted,” the feeling “made” him blush, and his natural physical response was described as a shameful act that “happened” to him. While describing his habit of masturbation, Kochan says, “My bad habit only grew the worse” (97). Although Kochan is clearly in control of this action, he sees the practice as shameful, and therefore he bestows responsibility on the shameful force rather than himself. Kochan uses this diction as a means of assuaging the shame he feels; because the action happened to him, rather than himself taking control of the action, he cannot be at fault for the shameful desires that he experiences.

Similarly, Kochan gives himself agency when trying to correct the “shameful” acts; he uses diction that suggests he is in control to gain a sense of social acceptance. After becoming aroused by Omi, Kochan says, “Then I told myself that I was no longer in love with Omi” (79). Kochan accepts agency for this action; he decides that he isn’t in love with Omi, which contrasts the “shameful” feeling that “happened” to him previously. He takes similar action in order to feel accepted by his peers during their discussion of women. Although Kochan feels no sexual desire for woman, he feels like he should; Kochan actively writes, “So in order to make my conversation consistent with my friends’, I cultivated an artificial ability to make the same association of ideas as they” (109). Kochan takes responsibility for this action; once again, a decision is made to adhere to social norms, which contrasts the shameful acts he claims to have no control over.

When it’s brought to Kochan’s attention that he is, in fact, responsible for some of his “shameful” acts, he panics and questions his sense of agency. Kochan sees that his anemia may have been caused by “self-pollution” and says, “I could feel my heart pounding with shame” (92). Here, Kochan realizes that an act he had previously described as passive and out of his control was actually his own fault, and he resumes the position of agency by acknowledging “self-pollution.” In another instance, Kochan questions whether his refusal to accept agency is the actual reason for his shameful tendencies, saying, “Was it out of laziness that I had no such dreams [of women]?” (111). The diction Kochan uses to describe his sense of responsibility and agency for his actions often reflects both how he and society view a possibly “shameful” act.

Words: 684

Zami: A New Spelling of My Name - Audre Lorde

Story Summary:

Zami: A New Spelling of my Name by Audre Lorde is a biomythography that tells the story of Audre’s life growing up as an African American in segregated America and her struggles with race, gender, and sexuality, as well as an account of the women who became her friends and lovers and their deep impact upon her life.

Reflections:

In Zami: A New Spelling of my Name, Audre can recollect and identify certain situations and people from her childhood based upon the way that they smelled. For example, Audre recalls shortly after the attack on Pearl Harbor that: “I could tell something real and terrible had happened from the smell in the living-room air” (53). These smells remain as stronger and more permanent memories than those she gained from either sight or sound, perhaps due to her hindered vision. Furthermore, the strong scents are generally unconsciously connected to either Black or white, which deepens the level of separation between the two races as it attaches a more negative sentiment to white and positive sentiment to Black.

There are several moments within Audre’s childhood where she associates a smell with something white in a negative way. On page 60, after being forced to stay after school to practice Latin (something a white teacher made her do, but that the other white students were not required to do), Audre recalls: ”Sometimes on Wednesday nights I would dream of the white, acrid-smelling mimeograph sheet” (60). Here, not only is Audre associating a smell with a negative experience induced by white people, she’s negatively associating the smell with the concept of “white” as a whole. Even the mimeograph sheet is white, and its “acrid” scent proves its unpleasantness.

Conversely, Audre associates positive smells with Black people or things. When she was a child, she remembers her mom as “She breathed exuded hummed the fruit smell of Noel’s Hill morning fresh and noon hot,” and associating these things with home and family (13). She also remembers close times with her mother, and “the warm mother smell caught between her legs” (33). These smells have a wholly positive connotation, and their connection to “Black” further separates them from the negative “white” smells. On page 36, Audre even changes an object from white to black with vanilla extract, saying, “I loved the way the rich, dark brown vanilla scented the flour clay” (36). Here the difference between the concepts of “Black” and “white” is painfully obvious, and once again attached with a strong olfactory sense. Audre remembers the “dark” brown vanilla scent changing the white clay from something too white and undesirable to something entirely pleasant.

The difference between “white” smells and “Black” smells is made very obvious on page 60, when Audre’s classmates tell her that she “stinks,” and her teacher further reinforces this fact: “She told me she felt it was her christian duty to tell me that Colored people did smell different from white people, but it was cruel of the children to write nasty notes because I couldn’t help it” (60). While the other smells associated with white and Black were unconsciously attached to a negative or positive sentiment, respectively, this experience brings blatant attention to the problematic associations. By asserting that Black people inherently smell very different than white people, the teacher is making the rift between the two concepts even deeper than the unconscious associations had. This statement makes it the other scent associations no longer seem accidental, but intentional and without hope for change. Although this observation does not remain true much further past Audre’s childhood, as she establishes entirely positive relationships with whites, the positive and negative associations connected to “black” and “white” scents in her childhood mark those years and still leave a lasting “scent” throughout her life.

Words: 571

Times Square Red - Samuel Delaney

Story Summary:

Times Square Red by Samuel Delaney is an analytic essay, and the second portion of a two-part book that focuses on the renovation of Times Square; this portion describes the two main methods of interpersonal communication, contact and networking, and argues that although both are beneficial, contact is the superior of the two and society must work to encourage it rather than continue along its current networking-based path.

Reflections:

In Times Square Red, Delaney makes a clear distinction between the terms “contact” and “networking,” and works hard to prove why “contact” is the superior of the two as a means of interpersonal connection. While he acknowledges that the two aren’t complete opposites and commonalities between the two terms exist, he also defines them in specific ways and provides specific examples of both. While Delaney sees some good in “networking,” he overlooks some of the major overlaps and benefits it has with “contact,” chiefly in his anecdote on page 133 about a young man climbing through his window and into his bed after a social networking event.

Delaney says that the young boy’s “view of what was to be gained by networking was… sadly inflated” (133). The boy’s attempt at networking is described as an example of “the ‘heroic’ extraliterary act,” meaning that he stepped out of the traditional networking space in order to gain attention from someone in a position of power (133). Delaney says that the attempt was ultimately unsuccessful, as ultimately his career was not furthered by the networking; one of the chief reasons he believes contact to be much more beneficial. What Delaney fails to note in this situation is that contact, the kind he so vigorously praises, is entirely present in this “networking” situation.

Delaney said that his “postcoital conversation lasted till dawn” with the young boy (134). He originally describes contact as: “Very importantly, contact is also the intercourse—physical and conversational—that blooms in and as ‘casual sex’” (123). Under this definition, it is clear that his “postcoital conversation” is very much contact. Contact is also very much based upon its pleasantness (183). In this scenario, we assume the sexual encounter is pleasant, and it mirrors many of the other encounters Delaney describes as contact. It is important to note that Delaney acknowledges “networking” as a pleasant experience as well, but in a very different way. The pleasantness present in his sexual encounter with the boy is nowhere to be found in his definition of “networking.” In fact, it goes against it; networking is described as being “safe, monitored, controlled, under surveillance” (193). It is also “heavily dependent on institutions to promote the necessary propinquity… where those with the requisite social skills can maneuver” (129). The sexual encounter described does not occur in an institution, and it is certainly not monitored or controlled. It maneuvers outside of the “safe” typical networking zone. In this way, his “networking” encounter with the boy seems to resemble “contact” even more strongly.

The reason Delaney placed the anecdote under “networking” rather than “contact” was its original premise; the boy’s initial reason for communication, which was one primarily selfish and motive-driven. It was also premeditated, whereas “contact” is primarily random. However, the reason that the contact-like situation came to be seems almost irrelevant when looking at its overall outcome. Although the boy was trying to further his own professional career by “networking,” a pleasurable contact situation arose regardless.

Delaney writes, “Certain benefits from contact, networking simply cannot provide” (173). He proves this to be true in a professional sense; it seems that more careers were furthered through contact than through networking. And yet, in this anecdote, we can see that this statement isn’t entirely true. Networking can provide several benefits that contact provides, until ultimately the line between the two terms is a little more blurred than what Delaney makes them out to be.

Words: 576

Times Square Blue - Samuel Delaney

Story Summary:

Times Square Blue by Samuel Delaney uses personal anecdotes to argue that the former existence of sexually liberating establishments in New York fostered healthy social relationships, and that their disappearance further encourages class separation.

Reflections:

In Times Square Blue, physical appearances are strongly linked to one’s position of power within society. While this statement may seem somewhat self-evident, the relationship between power and beauty is a complex one; it relies upon both how others view a person’s beauty as well as how a person views their own beauty. On the other hand, while possessing physical beauty often puts a person in a position of power, it can also objectify them, as they are viewed as a sexual object rather than a human being.

It is obvious in Times Square Blue that Delaney was not choosy when he selected sexual partners, suggesting that physical attractiveness is not a power factor for a person. However, there is a clear relationship between beauty and power evident throughout his anecdotes. Delaney tells an anecdote about Kevin, a man who was “an exemplar of male beauty that still, in memory, remains powerful for me” (41). Later, Kevin becomes homeless and is seen digging through garbage cans, at which point, “The power was gone… Why this one should be sadder than the other, I’m not sure” (42). The reason Delaney “was not sure about” can be pointed back to the man’s physical beauty and it’s loss; Kevin lost his beauty, and therefore lost his power. It’s no mystery that beauty gives a person power; for example, Arly “was attractive enough—and big enough—that he could afford to be choosy.” (51). Possessing beauty is an asset that can afford a person several benefits the less attractive lack, and yet it also has a downside.

One of the anecdotes early on describes an extraordinarily attractive young man at a pornographic movie theatre. Many men approached him to offer sex, to which he politely turned them away. Here we see power; the man has his choice of partners, but refuses. This is not a new concept. And yet, while the boy is given power, he is also somewhat stripped of it; people in the bathroom made comments such as, “‘That straight kid over there—beating off? He’s gorgeous. Why isn’t anybody doing him?’” (21). These comments objectify the boy; because he is beautiful, he is assumed to be sexually available. This idea is also evident with Arly and his “wife”; Arly says, “She don’t speak no English, but she loves to take care of me… almost as good as you used to. Isn’t she beautiful man?... Isn’t she the most beautiful woman in the world?” (55). Although Arly’s unnamed wife is also described by Delaney as beautiful, Arly believes her to be the “most” beautiful, due to the fact that she caters to his every need and desire. It could be assumed that the girl’s intense beauty would put her in a position of power, and yet she is painted as more of an object than an authoritative and strong woman.

Furthermore, a person who is unaware of their beauty cannot exercise their full amount of power. Hoke tries to hide his hands, “‘Cause they’re so big and ugly,” but Delaney tells him, “I think you have the most beautiful hands I’ve ever seen” (100). While Delaney places Hoke in a position of power, evident by his intimidation of him and fear of rejection, Hoke is oblivious to the power his beauty gives him, and therefore does not capitalize on it. Hoke believes himself to be unattractive, which would strip him of power instead of providing it. This is seen in the anecdote about Ana, who says, “‘Well… I was scared to death!” … “The people weren’t as pretty as I thought’” (30). Similarly to how people with beauty also possess (a form of) power, people who lack beauty not only lack this power, but are seen as frightening, which strips their power down even further. Hoke was an interesting case, because he believed himself to be unattractive, therefore lacking power, but he was perceived as attractive, therefore giving him power.

Words: 658

Giovanni's Room - James Baldwin

Story Summary:

James Baldwin’s novel Giovanni’s Room tells the story of a young man, David, and his struggle with identity, masculinity, and sexuality; David moves to Paris and enters into a confusing relationship with an Italian man, Giovanni, while simultaneously harboring a long distance relationship with Hella, who he intends to marry.

Reflections:

In Giovanni’s Room, the word ‘darkness’ is predominantly accompanied with a very negative concept in which a gleam of light occasionally tries to break through to offer a small amount of hope, however ineffective. When the darkness becomes overwhelming, the characters sometimes attempt to produce their own light to alleviate the pain. David and Giovanni struggle to escape the severe depths of the darkness, despite the small amount of protection it offers them. In the end, David is left struggling to find light and Giovanni ultimately succumbs to the darkness.

Throughout the novel, David often tries to flee the darkness, though it accompanies him wherever he goes. ‘The dark’ often represents sexual encounters he views as shameful, as it is used to describe both polygamous and ‘dirty’ homosexual relationships as well as his short rendezvous with Sue, during which he says, “Then it was over, and the dark, tiny room rushed back. And I wanted only to get out of there” (100). David not only looks for a way to escape the dark, he also tries to ignore it. Jacques points out that embracing the dark would be less shameful than fleeing it, saying, “Think… of the men who have kneeled before you while you thought of something else and pretended that nothing was happening down there in the dark between your legs” (56). For David, the darkness is a representation of all things shameful and discriminatory, and yet, although he tries to escape to artificial light, it offers him a strange sense of protection. Perhaps David’s biggest concern is how he is viewed in the public eye, and what happens in the “dark” protects him from his worst fear. When it was suggested that he drunkenly flirted with another man, David says, “My memory of that night was, happily, very dim” (27). Here, the darkness of his memory acts as a shield, as the darkness shields his ‘shameful’ actions from the public. And yet, although the darkness is a temporary cover-up to the public, David tries to find light to cover up the darkness for himself. He often lights cigarettes in “dark” situations, which creates a tiny amount of light and offers him a small escape from the darkness. After his encounter with Sue, he tells her to keep a candle in the window. David finds a way to create temporary “light and safety,” but is still consistently plagued by the darkness (104).

Giovanni similarly struggles with the dark, and uses David as his own shield. On page 88, David says that, “Though Giovanni smiled his humble, grateful smile and told me in as many ways as he could find how wonderful it was to have me there, how I stood, with my love and my ingenuity, between him and the dark” (88). Similarly to David, Giovanni is afraid of the dark, however, once David is gone, he is unable to create his own light as a replacement shield. On the morning of his death, David reflects, “I suppose they will come for him early in the morning, perhaps just before dawn, so that the last thing Giovanni will ever see will be that grey, lightless sky over Paris” (71). Although he is on the brink of light, Giovanni is unable to escape the darkness. He is killed struggling to flee the darkness after David, his only protection, leaves him without any further light.

Words: 565

Death In Venice - Thomas Mann

Story Summary:

Thomas Mann’s novel Death In Venice tells the story of the writer Gustav von Aschenbach, who travels to Venice as the result of an overwhelming desire for exploration induced by his old age; Ashenbach consequently becomes obsessed with a young boy named Tadzio during his stay in the disease-ridden city, which ultimately leads to his death.

Reflections:

Death in Venice contains many contradictions juxtaposed together; these juxtapositions reveal Aschenbach’s inability to make a rationalized and resolute decision. From beginning to end, Aschenbach consistently contradicts himself in thought, and it is this behavior that ultimately leads to his death at the end of the novel.

While Aschenbach’s inability to decide between two conflicting notions is often fairly obvious and spelled out for the reader, quite a bit of the novel’s diction enforces this idea more subtly. The book is peppered with phrases such as “proud shame,” “agreeably restless,” and “fatal gift” (16, 89, 96). Contradicting ideas are frequently juxtaposed together, causing confusion for the reader that echoes the confusion that Aschenbach experiences. Phrases such as, “surprising yet at the same time self-evident,” and “joy and agony of his soul” further enforce the internal struggle Aschenbach continually encounters when trying to make a resolved decision between two conflicting notions (26, 73).

In addition to the many small phrases used throughout the text, there are several notable overarching contradictions employed as well. Aschenbach’s relationship to Tadzio is perhaps the most troubling contradiction seen throughout the text. For example, Aschenbach generally refers to Tadzio, the boy he loves, as a thing rather than a person. When Aschenbach discovers Tadzio’s name, “He liked the sound of it: he found its euphony appropriate to the object in question” (57). Aschenbach holds Tadzio to a higher esteem than any other human he’s encountered; he loves the sound of his name as much as he loves the boy, and yet he continually refers to him as an “object.” Later, while watching Tadzio, Aschenbach describes him as “the chosen one looking up at his inferior, his servant” (81). Aschenbach refers to Tadzio as both an object, implying inferiority, and as being on the same level as a god, implying that he is the inferior in the situation. In addition, there is a moment where Aschenbach realizes that Tadzio has several physical flaws, implying ill health, and thinks, “He’ll probably not live long. And he made no attempt to account for why he felt satisfied or consoled at the thought” (62). Aschenbach loves Tadzio more than he can express, and yet he is slightly gladdened by the prospect of his death. This theme continues further into the text, and a similar sentiment ultimately leads to Aschenbach’s, and perhaps also Tadzio’s, death.

When Aschenbach learns of the disease raging through Venice, he is “feverish with agitation, triumphant in his possession of the truth, a repulsive taste in his mouth, and fantastic horror in his heart” (124). While he considers telling Tadzio’s family to leave, he passes up the opportunity to save him. He struggles with this decision, and experiences guilt after resolving to keep quiet. Here, the “fantastic horror” is too tantalizing pass up, despite its contradiction within itself. Once again, Aschenbach is plagued by indecision spurred by competing notions. His inability to come to a sound decision backed by logic causes him to stay in Venice, and presumably catch the disease that kills him when it could have been prevented.

The contradictory diction in Death In Venice is representative of the contradictions that consistently plague Aschenbach. These ultimately cause Aschenbach’s death, as his inability to choose between competing notions and make resolute decisions spur him to remain in the dangerous city that eventually kills him.

Words: 558

The Collected Poems - Cavafy (Part 2)

Story Summary:

The Collected Poems is Evangelos Sachperoglou’s translation of C.P. Cavafy’s poetry; Cavafy often uses history as a context for his fictional poems, which frequently comment on overarching themes such as homosexuality, art, and beauty.

Reflections:

Cavafy’s poem “In Despair” on page 141 tells the story of two lovers’ tragic split. It is narrated in third person, with the subject(s) of the poem only named as “He.” By analyzing the diction and syntax used in the poem, the reader can conclude that the relationship in question is homosexual, and more than one man is the subject of the poem. Because the references to “he” and “him” are left ambiguous, we are uncertain which lover is being referred to at which time. In the middle stanza, there is the possibility of a role reversal between the two men and which man is speaking. The first stanza of the poem starts with man A mourning the loss of man B; the last stanza of the poem can be read as man B mourning the loss of man A, with the switch occurring in the middle stanza. Reading the poem in this way indicates that both men truly loved one another, and are unsatisfied with their decision to separate due to social and moral pressures.

The middle stanza of the poem contains the lines, “he wanted to be saved from such a stigmatized, wasteful carnal pleasure, / from such a stigmatized, carnal pleasure of shame. / There was still time—so he said— for him to save himself.” The concurrent lines about “carnal pleasures” indicate a possible switch in speaker—here, the same thought is rephrased in a very similar, but slightly different way. The similarity accounts for the men’s common experience and emotions, but the difference portrays each man’s own account of what happened. This is further supported by how the lines about “carnal pleasures” are accompanied. The first section of the stanza, reads that man B told man A, “he wanted to be saved” (from carnal pleasures). Then the switch occurs—here man A is telling man B that he could “save himself” (from carnal pleasures). “He wanted to be saved,” is a passive statement—man B believes that someone else must do the saving. However, “save himself,” is active—man A takes initiative for this saving. Because “he wanted to be saved,” and “save himself,” are incongruent, the poem indicates a possible switch in subject.

Man A starts off the poem mourning man B; he loves man B and attempts to find someone who he can love in the same way. The middle stanza starts with man B explaining to man A why he cannot be with him (social/moral pressures). Then the switch occurs—man A explains back to man B why he can’t be with him. Their reasons are the same, and we believe that although both men loved one another, they forced a reason to justify their separation. In the last stanza, man B is mourning the loss of man A and has similar thoughts—he too is searching for someone to remind him of his lover in a feeble attempt to relive their forbidden love.

Ultimately, reading the poem with the switch between male subjects indicates that both men truly loved one another in a very similar way. Their lost love is tragic for both parties, not just one of them (as could be assumed upon reading the poem without the switch).

Words: 539